MSNBC is busy using Valentine's Day to bolster conventional notions of gender, heterosexuality, desire, and love. This time, they're justifying the creepy gender binary with so-called "scientific studies" that help men please their women. As always, the article is written for men.
According to the article:
Gals want looks and smarts. While you men can't control those two characteristics much, take heart: Money and character are also important to women.
Even though hetero dudes might be ugly and stupid, rest assured that money matters. Just find yourself a a woman and buy her. Buy her a dinner. A ring. A house. Her body? Wait a minute, suddenly your significant other sounds like a sex-worker...I guess it's OK if it's consensual...
Oh, wait, the economy tanked so I guess you can just use your positive disposition. If you've not been emotionally destroyed by poverty and succumbed to national depression, you still might please your mate.
(Mate is such an unfortunate term...It makes heteros sound like breeding swine.)
OK, so here is my own top 5 list!
THE TOP 5 THINGS HETERO MEN CAN LEARN FROM FAGS LIKE ME THIS VALENTINE'S DAY!
1) Bend over baby, you've got a nice rump and nobody to go out with.
2) Inside that rump is a walnut shaped do-hickey called P-R-O-S-T-A-T-E that will make you feel like one of those snake-handling holy rollers on acid.
3) Now that you've found your prostate and Jesus inside, turn around and give me that come-hither finger wag on mine.
4) Uh, first grab the lube...Ok...Much better.
5) I don't care if you tested negative three years ago and have only been with your virgin girlfriend since. I like my sausage wrapped!
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment