Melancholy Renewal

Last night after picking Jessi up from the airport, I talked late into the night with Emily, my old friend, sometimes sweetheart, and sometimes collaborator about everything from her experiences squatting in Barcelona to the ethics of remaining in cities verses going to rural areas and learning practical skills. Both of us tend to be fairly argumentative, particularly when it comes to intersections of art and activism. Nonetheless, speaking with her felt good. She is an old friend who knows me at my best and my worst and challenges me in both states to higher levels of action, creation, and thought. It is wonderful to have her in my life.

It is wonderful to have so many people in my life.

Its strange to have so many friends in so many different places, people I love and people that love me too. While we are all working on amazing projects and learning new things from new people, I often wish I could have a slightly simpler existence where the people I loved were together and our experiences were shared. I imagine a party where all the people I love come together and enjoy each other late into the night.

I am settling back into Denver after an incredible weekend shooting interviews at Critical Resistance 10. My heart aches with the absence of missing friends, lovers lost and lovers found. Autumn feels strong this year. So many projects, so many acts of love withering as the first days of fall chill. The highs of a relationship, an 8 year project, production around two political conventions all ending in late August-early September have made the past few weeks a trying month. But as night comes on earlier and the moon blazes sharply in the sky, I feel connected to the earth, its return to the dirt. I feel ready for the renewal that comes in completion and loss and eager to see what grows through the winter and the spring.

I have spoken at length to my friends about our collective desire to find room for creative projects, art, culture, and experimentation. The fall and winter will be good for this.